This may (or may not for those who know me!) sound weird but my thoughts were occupied the other day by what constitutes the perfect lonely hearts ad. There's something utterly fascinating about people trying to appeal to others in just a couple of very short sentences and I've often wondered how I would write one about myself if the much-put-upon Mrs Momus ever saw the light and decided to put me off.
So after a bit of web-based searching, I came across a book entitled 'They Call Me Naughty Lola' which contains a collection of some of the quirkiest and funniest lonely hearts ads from the London Review of Books. These are simply wonderful and if they don't make you fall in love at first sight, they'll certainly pique your interest enough to delve a little deeper. Some of my favourites read like this;
'They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46).'
'List your ten favourite albums... I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35.'
'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
'My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.'
'I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don't think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I've ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.'
And my personal favourite....
'Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.'
Now don't tell me there are no potential partners there....!